Your Friend, Remus
by TheNextFolchart
Summary: A one-sided correspondence between two friends who were both monsters - except that neither of them were monsters at all.


**Your Friend, Remus**

* * *

25 December 1971

Dear Sirius,

Happy Christmas! I hope Hogwarts isn't too lonely without me, James, and Peter. I'm sorry your family won't let you come home for the holidays - hard to believe they're still upset about your Sorting, even after all these months.

Look on the bright side, at least you have time to catch up on all your homework!

Your friend,

Remus

* * *

10 March 1971

Dear Sirius,

Thank you so much for the birthday present! Chocolate is my favorite. It was kind of you to think of me. I know you think thank-you letters are idiotic, which is the only reason I'm bothering to write this.

I know you're standing right behind me, I can hear you panting, you mouth-breather. Now you're reading over my shoulder. Now you're - Sirius, don't use such language, what would your mother think? Now you're trying to take the parchment out of my

* * *

22 September 1972

Dear Sirius,

I know it's late notice, but I'm skipping out on sneaking to Hogsmeade this weekend. My Aunt Mildred is ill, I've got to go home and see her. I'm actually writing this letter from the train. I should be back in a few days, maybe we can sneak out to Hogsmeade next weekend instead. I'm sure James will lend us the Cloak - he's too busy drooling over Evans to care about anything else.

I really am sorry. I wouldn't leave if it weren't important.

Sincerely,

Remus

* * *

17 February 1973

Dear Sirius,

You're asleep right now, but you'll find this letter in the morning. By the time you read it, I'll already be on the train to London. My favorite aunt is dying at St. Mungo's. I've got to go see her before she passes. I know I told you she was dying last month, and the month before that as well, but she keeps making miraculous recoveries only to relapse four weeks later. They really think it's the end for her this time.

I'll be back in a few days. Tell everyone not to worry.

Remus

* * *

19 March 1973

Dear Sirius,

What you think you saw - you're wrong. I wasn't - I'm not -

You're wrong.

It's not what you think.

Please don't tell the others.

Remus

* * *

21 March 1973

Dear Sirius,

I'm leaving in the morning. I'm going away from Hogwarts. I don't deserve to be here. I'm dangerous. I'm a monster. I lied to all of you, and now you know it, and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I don't know why I did it, I just wanted to fit in somewhere.

I know how you feel about thank-you letters, but even so: thank you for being my friend.

I'm sorry I ruined it.

Goodbye,

Remus

* * *

22 March 1973

Dear Sirius

You bloody git, how could you?

When I arrived home this afternoon, there was a letter on my bed from James. He says he knows about my "problem" - he says Peter knows, too, and he says you're the one who bloody told them.

I know I'm a monster, but I thought we were friends, and I thought I could trust you to keep one bloody secret.

You know how dangerous I am, Sirius! You saw it firsthand when you came into the Shrieking Shack at the last full moon. I was human again when you walked in, thank Merlin, but you saw the scratches on the walls, the splintered furniture, the way the bedclothes were shredded to ribbons. And you know - you _saw _- the scars in my own flesh. I was built to destroy, designed to slash and cut and _kill_. I could have hurt people so many times in the two years we've known each other. And yet I stayed at Hogwarts, walked among the students, told them lies about who I was and what I did.

I am a monster. Not just because of my "problem," but because of the way I put you all in danger.

And you told them.

And now they know.

I hate you.

Remus

* * *

15 April 1973

Dear Sirius,

I don't know if McGonagall told you yet, but I'm coming back to Hogwarts.

It was Dumbledore who persuaded me to return. He said you went to his office last month with a letter - my letter - and begged him to make me come back so you could apologize.

(You know you could have just written me, right?)

Anyway, I'll be there in a week's time. I have to wait for this month's full moon to be over, but then I'll be a Gryffindor again. I'm staying until the end of the year, so I can take exams. I'm not sure whether I'll come back for third year. Maybe you can convince me with that apology you're so desperate to deliver.

Sincerely,

Remus

* * *

21 April 1973

Dear Sirius,

Just so you know, I think you're barking mad.

(No pun intended.)

I didn't expect _this _to be your apology! You, James, and Peter realize how absolutely _insane _you all are, don't you? Yes, werewolves tend to be harmless when it comes to other animals, but animagi aren't technically animals, they're humans in animal form, and I'm not convinced you'll be safe. Not to mention - _illegal animagi, _Sirius? Do you know how much trouble you can get in for that? It's complicated magic. None of you, especially Peter, are going to be able to pull it off on your own. And when you're discovered, what are you going to say? That you decided to become animagi for _fun_?

I probably won't even send this letter. I know you're in detention with Slughorn at the moment, and you won't be able to read it until you come up for bed anyway, so I suppose I'll just leave it on your pillow for you.

But _really,_ Sirius.

_Barking mad._

Yours,

Remus

* * *

19 September 1973

Dear Sirius,

I'm in the library reading up on your idiotic animagi plan, and I actually think it could work. There's a lot of Transfiguration involved, but James is good at Transfiguration. Peter will have some practicing to do, though.

D'you want to meet me here when your detention with Sprout is over?

Yours,

Remus

* * *

15 January 1974

Dear Sirius,

James just asked out Lily Evans, and she didn't say no.

She didn't say yes, either, of course. She told him she'd sooner snog a sewer rat.

(But that's not out of the realm of possibilities, what with the way Peter's animagus research is coming.)

Anyway, I think it's progress.

We're going down to raid the kitchens, if you want to meet us when you're done with Kettleburn's detention.

See you in a bit,

Remus

* * *

12 October 1974

Dear Sirius,

James had a breakthrough with his transformation! He didn't turn all the way into a stag, but there were definitely antlers.

Actually, there are still antlers.

He's in the Hospital Wing.

Go have a look when you get out of McGonagall's detention, it's quite funny.

Yours,

Remus

* * *

30 December 1975

Dear Sirius,

He's done it! James is an official animagus. It's all coming together. I know you're nearly there, and Peter - well, Peter's more than halfway.

I hope your Christmas holidays aren't terrible. At least you're allowed to go home now, right? Remember in first year when you were banned from your house because your dad was so angry about you being a Gryffindor?

Lily Evans stayed at Hogwarts over holidays this year. James has been chasing her around for weeks with enchanted mistletoe. It's disgusting.

Wish you were here,

Remus

* * *

12 May 1976

Dear Padfoot,

Full moon is tomorrow, but I've felt under the weather all day, so I think I'm going to duck into the Shack early this time. Skive off class and join me, if you want. I'd love the company. Or, if you've got detention, ask James and Peter if they want to come instead.

It's all right if none of you can make it. Exams are coming up, I understand if you've got to study.

See you in a bit, maybe,

Moony

* * *

14 July 1976

Dear Padfoot,

I heard you'd been disowned, and I just wanted to offer my sympathies - or congratulations, maybe, if that's more appropriate. I know you're living with Prongs, but if you ever get sick of his arrogant prickishness (hello Prongs, if you're reading over Padfoot's shoulder), you can always find a home with me.

Hope your summer is going well, in spite of being kicked out of your family!

Yours,

Moony

* * *

7 December 1976

Padfoot, you absolute prat,

What were you thinking, leading Snape into the bloody Shack? He saw me! He knows!

What if he'd died, Sirius? What if James hadn't gotten there in time and I'd killed him?

And - Sirius! What if word gets out about me? If people find out about my Furry Little Problem, I won't be able to stay at Hogwarts. People won't allow it. Parents, students, teachers, the Minister of Magic - they'll demand I leave. And it'll be all your fault.

If Dumbledore doesn't expel us both for this, I'll be shocked.

I hope you're happy.

Moony

* * *

31 August, 1977

Dear Padfoot,

I won't be on the train tomorrow morning. Don't worry, nothing's happened - I just need a little extra time to recover from the full moon a few days ago. It was the first time I'd transformed since my mum died. The physical strain combined with the emotional trauma was a lot to deal with.

But I'll be fine, and I'm looking forward to our seventh year.

Tell the others I'll be arriving in a few days.

Yours,

Moony

* * *

14 February 1978

Dear Padfoot,

Prongs is in Hogsmeade.

With Lily Evans.

And she's not even tied up against her will.

They're holding hands.

_He's holding her bloody hand, Padfoot!_

As soon as you're done with Flitwick's detention, come to Madame Puddifoot's _as fast as you bloody can_.

Yours,

Moony

* * *

22 May 1978

Dear Padfoot,

I'm heading to the Shrieking Shack for the very last time. The next time there's a full moon, we'll be graduated.

I know the others will come eventually, but maybe you could come a bit early, just so we can have a moment. You were the first one to find me in the Shack, back in second year. It's poetic, don't you think, for you to be the first one here on our very last time?

(I know you probably feel the same way about poetry as you do about thank-you letters, but humor me, will you?)

Oh! And I don't know if you knew, but James asked Lily to marry him this morning. She said yes. I'm going to be Best Man at the wedding, Prongs already told me. Don't be too upset that he likes me more than you, eh?

See you soon,

Moony

* * *

29 December 1978

Dear Padfoot,

Are you coming to the New Years' Party at Wormtail's? I know James and Lily won't be back from the honeymoon yet, but I'm going, and I hope you'll be there. You've been so busy with auror training lately, I feel like I haven't seen you in ages.

Frank and Alice Longbottom are on the guest list - I didn't know they'd gotten married, but good for them. And Marlene McKinnon is coming, as well. Did you hear she'd broken up with Benjy Fenwick? I know you fancied her in school, maybe she's looking for a midnight kiss from one Sirius Black.

If I don't see you, have a happy New Year.

Yours,

Moony

* * *

14 January 1980

Dear Padfoot,

Did you hear? Lily is pregnant! James is going to be a bloody father!

It still feels like yesterday we were eleven years old and on the train to Hogwarts.

I hope your vacation is going well. You deserve this break from all your auror duties. The South of France is lovely this time of year. Give Marlene my best - come to think of it, when are you two going to tie the knot and have a baby of your own?

(That was a joke. Please don't have children. You would be the most irresponsible father the world has ever seen.)

Prongs is reading this over my shoulder, and he says he wants to make you his baby's godfather. Lily is loudly disagreeing.

Ah, don't you miss us?

Yours,

Moony

* * *

24 April 1980

Dear Padfoot,

Sorry to hear about you and Marlene. I really thought the two of you had a chance. Who would have thought she'd go crawling back to Benjy Fenwick, of all people? You deserve better.

I'm here if you want to talk or grab a drink. Although I'm fresh out of Floo powder, so you'll have to pick a pub and then wait for me to arrive by Knight Bus.

Yours,

Moony

* * *

31 July 1980

Padfoot,

It's a boy! I don't know where you are or why you're missing this, but it's Harry James Potter and he's got dark hair and green eyes and it's terrifying, really, that if anything happens to Prongs and Lily then this child's life will be in your hands.

Come to St. Mungo's as fast as you can!

Moony

* * *

11 March 1981

Padfoot,

Have you seen Peter lately? He didn't send anything for my birthday yesterday - not that I'm asking for presents, but usually he remembers to send a note.

I'm worried. Do you think he's in some kind of trouble?

(And thank you for the chocolate, by the way. It was delicious. Although I could have done without the enchantment that made it scream, "DON'T EAT ME!" and try to run away every time I went to pick it up.)

Yours,

Moony

* * *

31 July 1981

Sirius Black,

It's Harry's first birthday and you are nowhere to be found.

Some godfather you are.

Oh, you just walked through the door.

Never mind.

* * *

30 October 1981

Dear Padfoot,

I'm a little nervous about this plan.

I'm nervous all the time, actually, especially after the past two months. First the Prewett murders, then Benjy Fenwick, then Marlene (I'm sorry about that, by the way; I know you two were beginning to become friends again), and now the Longbottom torture. I know James and Lily need a Secret Keeper, but I don't see why you should be the one to do the job. Why not use Dumbledore? It's an obvious choice, but at least You-Know-Who is _afraid _of Dumbledore. As skilled as you are at being an auror, Sirius, You-Know-Who will have no qualms about coming to your door.

At least we know Wormtail is okay. Who would have thought he'd been holed up at his mum's house for the past ten months, hiding from the enemy? Coward. How that boy ended up a Gryffindor is beyond me.

Please be careful, Padfoot.

Yours,

Moony

* * *

1 November 1981

Sirius,

How could you.

I didn't believe it when I read it in the papers this morning, but I went to see Dumbledore, and he says it's true.

How _could _you.

They were your _friends_, Sirius! Your best friends in the world! And they're dead, you killed them, you killed James and Lily and Peter and twelve innocent strangers, and I don't know how I never saw it coming, I don't believe it, I _can't _believe it, I don't _want to believe it_.

I hope you rot in Azkaban. I hope they don't let the Dementors deliver the Kiss, I hope they make you sit in your own filth and guilt and pain, and I hope you hate yourself.

(But more than that, I hope it's all a mistake and you're fine, they're all fine, everything is fine and nobody is a monster.)

Moony

* * *

1 August 1993

Dear Sirius,

They say you've escaped.

I know you'd be a fool to show up on my doorstep, but I must admit, I hoped.

Moony

* * *

2 September 1993

Dear Sirius,

I'm back at Hogwarts. I haven't been here since we graduated.

Nothing has changed, but everything is different.

Moony

* * *

1 November 1993

Dear Sirius,

I know you were in the castle last night. I know you tried to kill Ron Weasley, thinking he was Harry Potter. I saw where you slashed apart the curtains, same as I used to slash apart the bedclothes in the Shack.

But you're no fool, Sirius, and I know that you could never mistake a red-haired Weasley boy for one who is the spitting image of our best friend.

So what are you up to?

Moony

* * *

6 June 1994

Dear Padfoot,

There's something strange going on around here. I've been looking at the Map - Harry, of all people, has been walking around with it all year, but I took it away before he realized who Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs are.

Anyway, I've been watching the Map all day, and there's something strange - a student running around the grounds who has never attended any of my classes. As far as I can tell, he doesn't go to class at all.

His name is Peter Pettigrew.

It isn't our Peter, of course. It can't be.

It must be a relative, or a coincidence, or a mistake.

I'm sending this letter out with a school owl on the off-chance that you're still lurking around the grounds. If it reaches you, come find me. I won't turn you in. I just want answers.

Yours,

Moony

* * *

11 June 1994

Dear Padfoot,

I don't know whether this letter will find you, but I hope you're safe and I hope you're happy and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I apologize for all of it.

I won't write again, in case they're tracking my post, but just know that I am with you in spirit, and I hope we meet again soon.

Very truly yours,

Moony

* * *

June 22, 1996

Sirius,

I know this letter will never reach you. It can't. I don't know what happens to the people who fall behind the Veil - it could be a heaven, or a hell, or something different, or nothing at all - but I know you're gone. I'm only writing this down because a small part of me still believes we are children and you are reading over my shoulder and smirking because you hate thank-yous and poetry.

We went back to Grimmauld Place today to clear out some things. We found your will - everything left to Harry, which is no surprise, although Kreacher resents it a bit. They're transferring your gold to his Gringotts vault as we speak.

But that's not what I'm writing about.

The letters, Sirius.

In a basket, in your room, beneath the bed.

Every letter I ever wrote you, stacked carefully, beginning with the Christmas card in first year and spanning all the way to the note I posted in the middle of the night after you escaped with Buckbeak.

You kept them.

They're all _there_.

Even the ones that swear I hate you.

Even the ones I sent to Azkaban and half-hoped you would never read.

They're here, and they foreshadow and plan and tell a story that makes me _ache_, because back then we had no idea, did we, we had _no idea_, and you kept them and you read them and you let them comfort you, and we aren't monsters, not any of us, we are victims and we are heroes and we are people with hearts and minds and courage, and we loved each other like family even when the world crumbled around us.

I hope you'll forgive me, but even though the letters legally belong to Harry, I'm taking them for myself.

Maybe they will bring me some peace until we meet again.

Your friend,

Remus

* * *

_Quidditch League, Round 6_

_Position: Keeper_

_Word Count: 3,148_

_Prompt: Write a letter to a friend_


End file.
